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Goldilocks and the three lice - how to ditch those critters


EWWWW! IKR?! Well, those little buggers made it my house this week, sans invitation, I might add. I wanted to share with you how I got rid of them overnight without any nasty toxic chemicals. Really! This stuff works.


Do you love this amazing hair? So jelly!!

Step 1: Open a jar of mayonnaise and finger paint that stuff all over the person's scalp. I used an avocado based mayo, but really any store bought mayo will work. Use about 12 ounces of it - the whole jar. While you are applying it to the head, you can also get it through the hair, but the scalp is the most important part. Use a wide tooth comb if you need a little help spreading the grease around. These little critters can't breathe through the oil, so we are gonna snuff em out.

You could also make a tuna salad right about now, but I'm guessing you will be "off" mayo for a a bit after this. If you don't have a jar of mayo, you could use olive oil. I have a friend that got lice while she was 8.5 months pregnant, in Denmark no less, and her doctor suggested peanut butter. Guess who still doesn't like pb&j sammies?

Step 2: Wrap the mayo head in a shower cap and then a towel. This person will now get to enjoy the mayo experience overnight, or for 8-12 hours. I gave some melatonin to my princess so she could sleep through the itching and salad-y-ness.

While this person is marinating, please strip their bed and wash all linens, clothes, towels in HOT water and dry on the HOT setting. Kill all the things! Vacuum up their personal space and their mattress. Put their pillows and stuffed loveys in garbage bags for a few days, unless you can launder them. Don't forget to wash hats, hair bands and brushes. Siblings can't share!

Step 3: Take a rest! You earned it after all the triage that was your day.

Step 4: When the salad person wakes up in the AM, have them wash their hair with dish detergent. You need a super strong grease fighting soap to combat all that mayo. You know those commercials where the people are washing oil slick residue off the adorable baby ducks? Well, you need that kind of power here, but not toxic power. We already made a healthier choice with mayo instead of that pesticide shampoo. Dawn rates a 9/10 for toxicity on the Environmental Working Group's, "Think Dirty" app. I use Thieves Dish Soap, but pick your poison here.

Step 5: Now that the hair is de-loused and squeaky clean, you will begin the nit picking. I recommend a pet flea comb to help you do the job, since it is stronger and longer than anything that comes with lice shampoo. Sit the person in the brightest light that you have and slowly and methodically comb through their hair.

You are looking for three things: (1) anything moving, (2) little black/grey specks that didn't make it out alive after the mayo-fest, and (3) nits. Nits are little egg sacks that are stuck to the bottom 1/4" of the hair shaft at the skull. They are really hard to get off. I found that grabbing one with two finger nails and sliding it to the end of the strand of hair works best. Do your best here with the nits, but the living beings are your priority since they will keep laying eggs.

You will continue to nit pick every day for over a week. The gestation period is about 10 days, so you have a week or two of mama-monkey grooming to do. Don't forget to check all the other heads in the house. I can't even imagine dealing with a re-infestation. UGH!

Step 6: For the first and second day, until I'm really sure that I've gotten all the nits, I use (kind of a lot of) my

Hair Straightening Serum.

Shake it up and put a few/lots of drops in your hand. Smooth into the hair. The oils keep the critters from sticking around (literally, get it?!)


Step 7: Before sending the person on their way, I spray them with my very own "Lice Ain't Nice" spray. I spray this on every person in the household, with hair, at least twice a day. The ingredients help zap the nervous systems of any buggers and ward them off of the sprayed head - really, google it.

Lice Ain't Nice

Fill the rest of the bottle with water. Shake before each spray and use generously.

Step 8: Tell your peeps that your person got the lice. Tell your friends, the parents of the friends that your critter-attracting person hangs out with, the school nurse, and anyone else that has come into contact with that amazing mane in the past week. Lice can show up on anyone. It doesn't mean you are dirty or anything, so don't be embarrassed. Wouldn't you feel so super guilty if you didn't speak up and then someone found out they had lice while they were away on spring break! Not cool, my friends.

WOW, my head is so itchy right now. Sorry about that. I'm off to stretch my muscles after an exhausting week of hunting. Cheers!

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